I have to say that this year I have changed alot, both mentally and physically. More than I thought actually. I've been doing alot of thinking, and reflecting on the long road that I have been on for so many years. It took me the entire 5 YEARS total that I have been apprenticing (including the shop I worked at before coming to work with Body Graphics) to realize that putting in your time really pays off. This is the main reason behind why I chose to take this long road with a very long apprenticeship. The thing that really interested me in tattooing wasn't just the artwork, it was the tradition being passed on from one person to another. It's definitely inspiring to finally feel like I am a part of it. Not just a player in the game. History history! So much has been lost especially being younger and coming into the tattoo community this late in the game. Anyone can just pick up a machine and start, but actually learning a piece of history is way more rewarding.
This year has forced me to be more self-reliant than I have ever been, work harder, live my life for me and not for anyone else. I guess it takes a horrible break-up and living away from home for a few months for stuff to sink in. I have been feeling like myself again, but not the "self" that I was a year ago... if that makes any sense at all. I feel like an equal at work, not at the bottom of the totem pole anymore, which makes me even more stoked to go to work now. I have more motivation now than I think I ever did, energy and a love for life. I've been working out, lost 15 lbs, started sketching ALOT more...feeling confident and not stressing over money money money. I want to go out and do things now, meet new people and enjoy my life.... I feel like most of college up until now I have been spending alot of time working my ass off (which is who I am) and not really enjoying life to the fullest. I worry constantly and focus on the small things instead of the big picture. Sometimes people can't see past the end of their nose.. I guess that was me for a while. Now I am proud to say that all the worrying, stressing, and anger stops today. I think all that has contributed to the fact that I haven't painted anything since I was in Hawaii. Well, I've done two paintings, but nothing noteworthy. This the longest I have gone without painting anything, and that's not good. I've recently been drawing a ton... trying to find my niche in the tattoo world, find a style that I like but at the same time get to experiment and try new things and be able to put in a clean tattoo that will stand the test of time. Of course all of that will come with time.... I have been thinking about my future more as well. Where do I want to be in 5, 10 years? I'm 27, and just started tattooing a little over a year now... what will 30 bring? 40? Do I want to still be in Philly? Will I be able to support myself on my own, start paying my student loans?? It's such a shame that so many people my age still have to live at home or with roommates, including myself. Fucking money is the devil. Then there's the question do I want a family, or give that up to travel for a few years? All these questions seem to be coming to the forefront and I guess I'm finally "grown up" enough to deal with them, not necessarily answer them just yet. It's all about moving forward, and take the next step.
On a side note.....It's frustrating to see some people I know and have known just half-ass everything. Nothing you get in life is for free. Hard work = reward.....always. I guess I was just brought up that way. I think this is the reason why I have "lost" some friends over the years... whether it be to them moving on with their lives, starting families, moving away, etc.
I guess you can call this a rant, or bitching, or whatever.
So now, onto some tattoos....
More to come.... Been sketching my ass off lately so I will post those soon enough...
